its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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