Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
