First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize