If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
