Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
