dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
