My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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