How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
