I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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