Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
