Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
