this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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