Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
