He asked to "fluff my boner.."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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