They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
