i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize