Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
