Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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