I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
