You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
