Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This house was built for laser tag.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
