that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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