Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
