So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
