Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
