We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
