My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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