My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
