Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize