Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
