I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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