Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
