She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
