Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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