I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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