Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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