I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
