I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sorry about my life...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
