she smelled like a LAN party
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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