mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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