They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
