Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
