I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
