She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
