i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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