Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
