I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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