no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
