Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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