It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
