Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
