Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
