i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
