..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
