I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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