Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
