So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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