oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
