I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize