he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
