I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
