You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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