yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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