i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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