just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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