I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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