She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
nutella sex= disaster
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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