I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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