I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
