I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
