I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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